Overwhelmed by a Feeling

If any of you saw my Facebook status from last night you saw… “Today was pretty overwhelming....trying to find God's will definitely creates confusion…” So I’m here to explain. As Crystal said in her post from earlier, yesterday we did some more pioneer work. We went and saw some of the parcels of land that Pastor Duval owns and that he plans to give over to Hearts United once everything is squared away with incorporation, non-profit status, etc. We prayed over the land and Crystal discussed the various visions that they have for the properties. Office space, a base, and housing for future teams. The one they want to put housing on overlooks the ocean and it is so beautiful.  

Anyways, I digress. The whole time we were walking around I could not ignore this feeling that I had deep in my heart. It was one of those hard-to-describe feelings of excitement, calling, longing, purpose, anxiousness, butterflies, and joy all bundled into one feeling. I was praying that if the feeling was not from God that he would take it away, because it’s a pretty scary feeling . To feel called to a foreign land where I barely speak the language, and have little vision for what God even wants to do with me here is scary. Yes, of course God could work all those things out, but all I know for certain is that God has given me a burden for the people of Haiti. This isn’t the first time that I have felt this burden. When I left last summer I knew that God was calling me here, and so I followed that calling back here this summer. Now when I leave on Friday, how can I walk away and ignore the feelings, burden, and calling that God has placed in my heart? You can say, “Well, Jordan, that’s easy just don’t leave Haiti.” Well that would be great but I’ve only told half the story so far. ..

For the second half, let me take you back to December of last year. I had just gotten my acceptance letter for my dream college since I was in the 6^th grade, Purdue University. I’ve always wanted to be a pilot, and they have one of the best pilot programs in the country, and it is in-state; who doesn’t like in-state tuition? So that was a Friday, I was all excited and pumped, ready for high school to be done. By the time I was driving home from church that Sunday, something had happened in my heart. God had essentially said, “Hey find a different school.”  I was no longer at peace about going to Purdue. So when I got home I started searching for schools, specifically Christian schools and sent for information on 3 of them:  San Diego Christian, Liberty University, and LeTourneau University. I was the least thrilled about San Diego so it was the first out. Liberty called one day and I wasn’t thrilled about their sales pitch. LeTourneau was the most impressive so that was the fourth school that I had even applied to. (I was so set on Purdue I had only applied to 3 schools at this point). Before I had even gotten accepted I got an email telling me that I had qualified to compete for their Heritage scholarship, the largest one they give out. So I traveled down to Texas at the beginning of February to compete with their 70-something best applicants for 8 scholarships. It was a long shot at best in my mind. Long story short, I won the scholarship. And I’m completely at peace about going there simply because looking back at the way that God has worked everything out to get me to this point.

I don’t think that God is in business of sending mixed signals, but that He is in the business of guiding those who love Him and want to follow Him to His perfect plan for their lives.  

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11  

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

So now the dilemma is how I reconcile these two seemingly opposite directions that God has called me to. But maybe they aren’t opposite; who knows? I pray that God will make His plan for my life clear, and to give me patience as I wait for his perfect timing for that revelation.

All I know is that I’m going to be an emotional mess on Friday leaving the place where God has called me. God is doing amazing things here and I’ve been so blessed to be a part of it for the last 3 weeks. And if this burden is real and God doesn’t take it away, and it’s His will, I will be back at some point.

In the power of Christ alone,

Jordan