So to those who have been wondering where I've been, Sorry. . . I have been here a week. I should have wrote on here a few times by now. No, the reason is not that nothing eventful has happened this week, in fact-so much has been going on, it is hard to take everything in at one time. I finally managed to get all of my thoughts together and here they are. . .
. . . . Before I left my cozy little town of Pittsburgh, I was having major anxiety attacks, which is EXTREMELY rare for me. Friends were encouraging me not to go and I was scared about my choice to go. The closer the time came to leave, the more and more nervous I became. This is not like me-Alexis-the thrill seeker. These feelings lasted all the way until i got off my first flight, waiting for the next one. Why did I have these feelings? I know it was the enemy attacking me. God is going to use me for great things in Haiti and he will be doing amazing things in my life this summer. I am so thankful that God gave me the strength to get through the anxiousness and protected me to arrive here safely in Haiti.
.......I got to Haiti and Crystal, Michael and James picked me up from the airport in a taptap. I was exhausted after three planes and fifteen hours. On the drive back to the arris house, I was sortof quiet, which again is not like me. I wasn't sure what to expect this summer. I was having all kinds of doubts. Is God really going to use me? Is he really going to work in my life? Did he really call me here? These questions concerned me, but i knew that I was where I belonged. How is that? How can I feel like I belong somewhere, where I am so out of place? I am a crazy white american girl. People look at me here like I beemed down from the mothership. But this is the place where I am certain god has called me to, for now. When I got to the Arris house, seeing the family, I was overwhelmed with joy. I knew them from my week here in March. I felt like I knew them my whole life. Pastor Duval ran up to me screaming my name with the biggest smile i've ever seen. He was so happy. This is the kind of love that is from the Lord.
.....My first day went so well and that night a few different things happened that put doubts in my mind again. Why am I here? Did God call me? Am I good enough to be here? I feel like a hypocrite at times. I know Christians are far from perfect, however I have it drilled into my brain that I am not good enough to be a Christian. I am not good enough for God to love me and my sins. Its hard. I let what people say and think affect me. I have to learn to forgive myself, because God already has.
.....We went for an evening church service. I was so excited. Its been awhile since I've been to a Hatian Church. We were only about twenty minutes into it, when I realized that I really should have paid attention in High School, especially French class. Seeing as I had a few hours to kill, I took this time to observe. Christian Hatians are so on fire for Jesus. They go to a three hour long service, almost daily. It got me thinking. If we plugged into our church more or more churches or just christian events and people in general how much that would truly impact our walk with the Lord. I was thinking of this analogy. If my "Christianity" glass barely has any water being poured into it, I will more than likely be thirsty and dry. However the more I have being poured into me, the more quenched I will be. The more I will be able to share and pour into others. So here is a challenge for any of you reading, go out this week, wherever you are. Plug into more Christian things. Fill up your cup so it is spilling and overflowing. How can you pour into others, if you have nothing to pour? This is something I need to work on.
......Balloon animals. Did you ever go to a birthday party or circus? Have you ever got something so miniscule as a balloon animal and never think twice? I know I have. I knew that the Arris family and friends would remember me, but I wasn't sure about the community. Well, today I was proved differently. I went over to the neighbors just to fellowship with them. I tried to talk and show my face. The kids all ran up to me and started screaming "balloon, balloon." Over four months ago, I stood on a porch above them and helped make balloon animals to throw down to them. Who would have ever thought that something as stupid as a balloon animal would tie me to another human?
......Great things are being done in Haiti. I have been traveling different places and seeing different ministries. God is alive and working. Hands and feet is astonishing. That ministry is so blessed and is blessing so many. I saw a church that was built in less than three months and it is bigger and more beautiful than a lot of churches in the states. Over 750 people attend each sunday and most are young adults. All things are possible, through HIM.
...... Well I could go on and on, literally. But I won't. I know that I am here to serve Him. However I know that this is the time where he is going to work wonders in me. I am using this time to focus on Him and what he wants for me, not only in Haiti, but for my life.
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