The Onion

Every trip I make to Haiti is filled with so many emotions.  Yesterday as I was talking to Redgi and James I said I finally understand when people compare an experience or situation to an onion.  That is kind of how I feel my trips to Haiti are.  Each day, each adventure brings a new experience or challenge which is like peeling back the layer of the onion.  BUT, as those of you who have peeled onions know, with the peeling comes tears- sometimes few, sometimes many.  And, just when you have finished with those tears and have begun to peel back the next layer, you find that along with that one comes another wave of the same.

I hope this makes sense, but what I am trying to say is that coming to Haiti does take a physical toll on me, but the emotional and spiritual aspect of the trip is much greater.  My experiences in Haiti are filled with so many highs and lows- ups and downs- exciting moments and frustrations.  The range is vastly different than my experiences in the USA.  Perhaps it is being away from close family/friends and spiritual mentors or perhaps it is just that the battlefield here is vastly different from the one I grew up with and learned to adjust to over the 53 years I have been on this earth.  Perhaps it is a mix of the two.

Don't get me wrong.  I am BLESSED to be here.  I am totally convinced this is exactly where God wants and has me at this time in life.  The incredible joy and peace I have daily when living "my Haitian life" is proof.  The experiences I speak of and the tears I refer to are because I love the people here so much.  God has blessed me with the gift of compassion, but with that comes the ability to understand (to the degree I am able) what they feel and to understand their daily struggles.  On my own I am helpless to change any of the circumstances of those I meet and know in Haiti, but through Christ I am able to come alongside them, encourage them and love them through the daily hurts, frustrations, struggles.  God has used Haiti and the people here to break me many times and to teach me so much about Himself!  For that I will forever be grateful to the people and situations I have come to know/experience in this amazingly beautiful country.

Yesterday was one of those days.  At the orphanage I found out that one of my favorite children has disobeyed the rules and gone out of the orphanage at night to hang with friends- something that is strictly forbidden.  She knew the risks she was taking and now is facing the reality that she will be taken (supposedly on Friday) to Haitian Social Services and will probably be relocated to another orphanage.  This is fair because if one is allowed to not follow rules, then others will do so too and soon there will be no rules.  I know, understand, and support the decision for her to be punished.  I don't know that I agree with the punishment, but it is not my orphanage.  But, praise God I was able to hold her, pray with her and tell her (maybe for the last time) that I love her.  I got to give her Redgi's phone number and tell her that she can call any time and we will do our best to keep in contact with her/support her.  I explained that we all make mistakes, yet God loves us the same and though I am disappointed with her disobedience that I still love her too.  (you get the point- don't need to keep going)

Yet, just about an hour after I was given the news this girl would be leaving, I was blessed that one who had been taken away a few months ago for the same reason came to the orphanage to visit because she knew I would be there yesterday.  She came with her father who she has been reunited with.  She came to tell me she is doing ok, that she is happy now and back with family and that they are searching for her sister who is still in an orphanage somewhere in Haiti (they don't yet know where).  They need assistance to stay together- Dad is living in a tent and she is currently with other family, but it was God's way of showing that I am not the one who is helping these girls... HE IS!  He has His hands on them even if they are out of my sight.

So, my highs were HIGH yesterday and my lows were LOW.  Tears of joy and tears of grief.  My heart swollen with happiness and torn apart from sadness.  I got to say "hello" to someone I love dearly and "goodbye" to another. But, I also got to sit with both and talk/listen to them.  I got to tell both (at different times) of God's love.  And, both know they are loved- by Him and by me.  I am SUCH a blessed woman indeed to live this life and to live out the calling as "missionary".

My challenge to each of you reading:  Find your passion- that gift from God that you have been given.  And USE IT to bless others.  That is why we are given spiritual gifts- to bless others and to strengthen the entire body of Christ.  You each have your own gift to give/use.  I thank Him that I am able to use mine here in Haiti (and at home when there).

Jennifer - she came to visit with her dad yesterday.  Her leg is TOTALLY healed and she looks great.  You can see the happiness in her smile and eyes.  Love this girl!

(and I will not be posting a photo of the one who is mentioned as possibly leaving- still not sure it will happen and also her sponsor has yet to be notified)